Pain

I posted this on my Man Overboard blog about human love, yet it contains a message for marketers.

..........

Everyone in the world is in some kind of pain.
Feel it, and you will understand them.
When they feel you understand them, they will hear you.
Only then will you know what to say.

--

Except the marketer is inclined to change the last line to:

Then you can sell them anything.

"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."

It's an oldy, but a goody. And it says much the same thing. A con artist is a 'confidence trickster', someone who gains your confidence for as long as it takes to relieve you of your money.

So the insight above about pain is like any power - it can be used for good or evil.

We can take advantage of another person's vulnerability or we can respect the privilege they have given us by opening up.

Everyone suffers from pain of some description. For many it is physical. For many more it is emotional pain - memories of past trauma, anxiety about the future, fear of patterns repeating themselves. For the vast majority it is the pain of loneliness, which is in epidemic proportions in our society. And for many there is the spiritual pain arising from a sense of meaninglessness of life. Most people spend their time running from the fact that their time here is finite and that one day they will die. We fill our lives with amusements and obsessions while the Grim Reaper stands waiting at the back of the room. And the question this forces on us? What does it all mean? What is the meaning of my life? The lack of a satisfactory answer brings pain.

Buddha's great insight was that the whole of life is suffering. And he developed his system of spiritual practice to eliminate suffering - which he said was caused by our attachment to the material world. The principle of Surrender that I recommend in the book man Overboard is a Buddhist principle. It is also a Christian principle. Surrender to Christ, and, through Him, to each other.

Each of us bear our private pain courageously. Just living through a day for many is a triumph. But the light comes breaking through the clouds when another human being acknowledges our pain, can feel what we feel. These moments confirm our existence and affirm our goodness. Finding someone who does this can be like falling in love. I suspect there is a good deal of this behind Infatuation. Perhaps the illusion of genuine understanding.

The word for building such a bridge across people's pain is COMPASSION. Christ was said to be full of it. Mother Teresa's compassion was legendary. We all have the ability to be compassionate, like the Good Samaritan.

The Dalai Lama, who doesn't believe in romantic love, says the two building blocks of human love are empathy (identifying with another person) and compassion (feeling their pain).

In fact compassion means, literally, "suffering with" another. Walking alongside someone. That's how a Christian Brother described his version of Christian love.

When someone attacks you or is angry with you, and you can understand that they are simply expressing their pain - searching for someone to acknowledge it - you will feel less inclined to counter-attack and more inclined to seek to make peace.

If you can see all the people suffering and feel a little of it, you can grow your heart, literally. You can grow your ability to feel love.

You also grow your ability to sell stuff to people.

Now ain't that something?